I was just reflecting on the question someone asked of me under yesterday’s blog entry. This person asked, “What is your life story?”. I really pondered this question as I walked home from the coffee shop just now. This is a really good question, and I knew I couldn’t begin to scratch the surface of that question through a reply in the comments, but I wish I could! This question brought me back to thinking about this idea I’ve had for writing a book, and wondering how I might be impacted by writing more of my life story down. I wrote down my reflections as I walked home. This may give away the idea of the book, but this idea is growing as I do. Here are my reflections:

“I am a gift. I am a gift that I was always looking for. The gift others don’t always recognize or appreciate, nor should I expect any different. I used to look to things, roles, systems, relationships, and my performance to validate/affirm my incomplete picture of myself. I was looking for affirmation of my skewed and incomplete picture. I was trying to earn. By letting go of those roles, expectations, and unhealthy beliefs: by entering into and embracing my suffering, by accepting my life story, forgiveness, healing, growth, and transformation has happened. I started accepting life as it is and participating in the dying and shedding, the rebirth. I am uncovered. I am bare. I am vulnerable and available. My happiness and purpose are not outside sources, they are interior qualities. I am who I am. I bring my identity where I go. I do not find identity in where I go or what I do. Releasing the old reality is a process. Discovering who I am is a gift of Grace. Effort does not bring me closer, surrender does. Fear only exists where we hide. Where we hide is not real. What we hold becomes our reality. It is not The Reality.”

-Josh