Authenticity and the Workplace
I have been thinking about authenticity and leadership in the workplace. I think this is because I've had the privilege of working with all kinds of people and bosses in quite a few different kinds of occupations. I know that although we cannot very much control who we work with in our workplaces, we also very much so can. I mean, we don't really have to stay anywhere we are. We can go somewhere else. This applies to many circumstances in life. I’m in the middle of navigating another life-change right now.
We can use our power to ask ourselves good questions, to discover what we value, to discover who we are, and to make upgrades that honor who we are. Our society will admire and praise people based on one's salary, car, or size of home. With these things as our definition and measurement for success, we tell ourselves empty messages about what matters and waste precious time trying to impress ourselves and others.
I made a healthy choice for myself last year when I decided to work with a life coach (see link at bottom of this post). I reached out to him because I had been thinking about leaving a job for quite a while, and I was exhausted from trying to “fix “or change the way I was treated and the culture I worked in. I didn't know what a next step could look like for me. I'm beginning to believe that maybe the only "right" time to make a healthy choice for oneself is right now. I either do, or I don't. It's pretty simple. Often, things are not as complicated as I can make them out to be. I have been deepening my trust in myself over these past few years. Trust allows me to step from sameness into growth, from sameness into authenticity. When I honor myself, I am also inevitably open and malleable. I am at my best.
When I am asked, "Do you regret leaving your job? Would you do it all over again? Do you miss it?", I smile. I smile because I made a healthy choice and it feels good to take care of myself. It feels good to honor myself.
I am eternally grateful for a few people in my life who just by being themselves, somehow empowered me to begin to know, appreciate, and trust myself. I've found for myself that I am not incomplete, alone, and that no other person can take the place of God or me in my own life.
Back to authenticity and the workplace. I have learned that no person ever has the right to belittle/disrespect/abuse me in any way in the workplace (or anywhere for that matter), and that I value myself enough to not let it happen. I've noticed that some people in leadership can be very dominant and self-centered. These people may try to soak up all the praise and at the same time blame anyone else to avoid accountability when issues arise. Someone behaving like this may believe that their position entitles them to such behavior. They may actually believe they have your permission to do so until you say otherwise. You my friend, always have the power and right to voice when you feel disrespected or abused, and you have the power and right to say how you want to be treated. I had to learn this for myself, and that meant being willing to accept whatever the changes/outcome. Honesty is real strength. Honesty is authenticity. When I am honest I am inviting what is best for my life.
I remember when I told my boss "You can't talk to me like that". There was quiet on the other end of the phone. Over the next year or so, I began to focus on what I could control, my truth and actions, my boundaries, and on being my best for myself and others, rather than being focused on every bit of noise around me that would serve no purpose. I learned that even the leaders I believed would have my back, wouldn't, to protect their position and salary. I've learned the best lessons in my life have come from my own and other's failings, and my willingness to apply these lessons by doing things differently as I move forward.
I'm learning that judging others does not help me, them, or the workplace. I believe that people contribute their best when they feel like they can be themselves wherever they are. I at least know this is true for me. Because, who a person is, is their best. In my opinion, leadership that does not listen is not healthy leadership. I believe that good leadership serves. How can a leader (or anyone for that matter) serve another when we do not know a person or their needs? One of the greatest responsibilities and privileges in leadership is modeling values. This means leaders are involved. Leaders who are not involved and who do not listen are not considering the best interest of the company, because a company operates on the people who keep it running.
Never underestimate your potential for good. Never underestimate your own goodness. Never underestimate your power or influence in your workplace or in any space (I should be looking in the mirror while I type this).
Life is balanced, and I've learned I suffer when I feel stuck on a challenging scenario because I’m not putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Challenging scenarios regularly appear in my days and I have to remind myself to do my best and move on as soon as possible. I often need to remind myself that I am not the savior of the world. It is so easy to become self-centered when life feels challenging. It can be easy to focus on the things that are not changing instead of putting my energy into changing the things I can. Although I am not the savior of the world, I have a special responsibility of being kind and caring to myself. This has not come naturally for me, but I’m learning. If I don’t do this, I do not have have the energy to fulfill my purposes.
I've learned that I need to regularly make room for new things in life, and this requires letting go of what no longer serves me. I've learned that life is not inherently scary. In facing my fears, I realize that many of these fears are rooted in a lack-mentality. These could be fears like a lack of resources, lack of being, lack of love, lack of worth, lack of safety, etc.
The process of letting go teaches me the truth. Letting go teaches us what always stays. Letting go teaches us what is meant for us. Letting go teaches us who we are by showing us who and what we’re not. We are and have an inherent relationship with life, and I am learning how to trust this process in greater ways. Letting go allows me to be more present for what is meant for me. This means I am more able to experience my life. I can begin to experience things as they are. I've begun to ask "What is life trying to teach me or show me right now?", when things feel like they are coming apart or don't "make sense" to me. I am beginning to recognize these times as valuable transitions and to look and wait for the lesson and the goodness it will bring into my life. When I stay with my experience of confusion or what feel like challenging questions, losses or emotions, I see that I'm still okay. I realize on the other side that I already have everything I need.