“ps. it’s all gonna be okay.”

I remember wishing for those words to actually mean something to me. I say it now because I know it’s true.

These words can feel like glitter being throw at a fire when we are in it, and when we have yet to exit our first terrifying “inferno”. Some might call it the “dark night of the soul”. Truthfully, I wish this term wasn’t so glorified. It gives me the impression it’s a “one and done” scenario. My experience, and hunch is, we can never be so certain.

I sit on this rock by the river because I have hope. I’m writing this because I want to share it. No one could have predicted this season of potential isolation, loneliness, and change that has impacted our world.

I believe we are each beacons of a Greater beacon (for some reason this word “beacon” and analogy came to mind). I know from experience that no matter how dark things may seem, it is all gonna be okay, and that you may potentially discover so many parts of yourself and abilities you really can not possibly imagine right now. It is all you. It is your light.

On my walk home yesterday I said aloud, “I could not even imagine....I just could have in no way imagined this is what my life would be like (several years ago)”. Because, I love myself. I know peace that is independent of my circumstances. I know “home”. I notice the miracles around me. I notice the miracle of my life and the unbelievable opportunity I have. This doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I have shitty days, shitty seasons, or sometimes feel like I’m THIS close to being overwhelmed by shit. I mean I’m through a season of my life where I discovered and forged abilities to express my new found brilliance, power, and unrelenting passion for honoring and learning to nurture myself.

I have journeyed for a long time. It is too soon to try to describe the past several years in detail, but I heard the first section of this quote not long after coming through what I hope will be the darkest time of my life. I knew it was true. I believe this was written by C.C. Chang:

“The greater the doubt, the greater the awakening...”

I think I may have smiled and laughed instantly. I knew that it was true for me, and if it was true for someone like me, then anyone can also know this to be true.