We can undergo a kind of dissolution (or death) just as caterpillars do before becoming something altogether new. They completely dissolve in the dark. Only an essence remains. What emerges from this process is something that experiences itself and its surroundings in a completely new way.

Of course, we don’t literally appear one day with wings, but I think we can get quite close. Your wings are not literal as we understand literal, yet they are your inheritance waiting for you.

We struggle accepting things how they are because we first struggle understanding how we are.

We suffer through life because of our assumptions and denials. I think breaking free feels most scary because we have to let go. I’m sorry movies and society taught you about love, and that there is a high probability that no one ever modeled true love to you. Love is not about attachment or expectations. Love is free. The kind of freedom that freaks most people out. It challenges us to our core because we don’t know how to let things be, how to be open, and receive. We were forced into learning how to manipulate and take…how to play along to get what we think we want, instead of learning how to know what it is we truly want, and how to create that for ourselves.

Life can work on our behalf if we can learn a measure of surrender. Some insights come through a fleeting moment of bliss, others through what we might label disruptions and years that we wonder if we’ll survive. Sometimes our idea of “I” or “me” doesn’t survive, and that’s a good thing. We might say “this is killing me”, but on the other side of these ordeals something/someone is still waking up in the morning. Something died. Surely it wasn’t You.

Change begins with you. We don’t find our wings by constantly judging other’s performance in meeting our expectations. The ego expects so much and is usually in a fight or flight mode. The things we are critical of in others might be a signal of something of ourselves we are learning to understand, accept, and work through. The ego can end up being an ally in that it presents us the material for understanding what stands between us living an authentic life.

We need to pay attention.

All of this understanding contributes to us being more authentic, and thus empowered. Making changes creates more courage and readiness to create change. Experiencing the results of these changes inspires even more of the same. We can realize just how resilient and brave we really are.

We do not need to approach understanding parts of ourselves by means of what must be destroyed (This feels very American). “Ego Death” is an unrealistic and unhelpful term. It seems like another grab at labeling something “bad” so we temporarily feel better ourselves.

For everyone, especially us who hold space for helping others, the language we use matters…We would be much better off learning what those parts of us are that we are afraid of and why we want to destroy. Often, I think, it’s because we want our way NOW. We think we understand what’s happening and how things can play out. We are coming from desperation rather than our heart.

We can learn to make the unconscious conscious.

Caterpillars shed layers before they one day create a cocoon. If we want, we can shed layers too. We can learn to be more and more open to learning and letting go. One day you might come out of a cocoon too.