Something can seem so right until it seems so wrong. Something can seem so wrong until later when we realize how it was actually more right than we realized. Things are not always what they seem, and that doesn’t need to be either good or bad news. It is what it is. Are we making room each day to hear how we are really doing?

I think any kind of contemplative/reflective/meditative way of life can lead to more discernment. Discernment is a skill that engages many parts of us and our skill in utilizing them together. It involves understanding these parts of us and how to find a balance for each and for them as a whole (even as our idea of whole expands as we grow). We use our rational mind, our intuition, our impulses, our senses, our feelings, in some to lesser degrees at any given moment. Also, and if we do, the discoveries of our peering into our unconscious can be integrated and these new realizations expand our capacity for discernment.

Sometimes we have gone through strenuous periods of our lives for so long we struggle to recognize that we are actually standing in a new life. We only need to realize it. Our needs are met and although we still may feel as though something needs to change, we are actually doing quite well. We are standing on a kind of foundation we maybe only dreamed of years ago. Discernment comes in when we let go of what we think something is and make room for messages on levels our rational mind alone is not capable of realizing.

Sometimes things aren’t as glamorous or as healthy as they seem. It takes some time, but over time we get the cues (often quite subtle, and sometimes we just don’t want to believe the cues because we don’t want the personal responsibility of causing change). We are full of paradoxes… We can get in a kind of rational wrestling match with ourself. We might prefer lying to ourselves to justify not having to learn from our experiences and then wonder why we feel so stagnant in life. The good news is that we don’t need to beat ourselves up over less than desired experiences/outcomes, we can call them lessons. Lessons are gifts.

How do we develop better discernment in our lives? Well, it’s work. That’s the good news, because as we know anything worth it in life usually comes through a kind of nurturing attention/energy. Everything has a cost. Life works through time…it’s going to take time (hey, I don’t make the rules!).

If we’ve been working towards creating a life that is true for us, the cost is our old lives. The way of attainment is conscious relationship with what is happening at any moment. Yes, this is kind of wordy, but another somewhat short way of saying this is, “we desire, and more than desire, we stop bullshitting ourselves so we can begin to be honest and create real and lasting things in our lives.” We learn to accept what we might think of as “ugly” things about ourselves. We create a new chair, table, home, or whatever we must to bring these things to the table in a helpful way. We stop limiting who we are and what we can become. We start writing new stories instead of replaying old ones as much. We cultivate a bit more courage one day at a time. We gradually become more comfortable with the “messiness of life” and maybe even begin to play in it!

There are hosts of practical methods to develop discernment, but I suppose it doesn’t need to be tried so hard for. Discernment naturally develops as we become more honest and bring our unique self into the world and to service of others. When we’re uncomfortable we want to believe something is wrong. We want to believe something needs to change right now. It’s quite normal for us to look outside of ourselves and label “the problem” and less common for us to look at ourselves and ask “what can I do differently this time to get the kind of resolution or solution that I really want?”. What am I running from? Am I willing to take the risks I need to pave my own path? What am I afraid of? How am I projecting my feelings/thoughts/hurts onto others? Am I still projecting and expecting perfection? Will I let go of my timeline and commit to the timeline my process requires?

Things are much less fixed and far more nuanced than we are accustomed to relating to. I’m preaching to the choir here, ya’ll…I’m writing this to encourage us to continue walking forward, to ask for help, to work with our tools (even divination…if that’s your thing), and even be willing to be surprised by the answers we get…even if those answers tell us we’re doing well.