We can feel this underlying feeling of something is “wrong”…not well enough. Dear God, what is with this nagging hum our privileged asses are so good at ruminating in? Maybe we have so much and are so bombarded with the next ad that we never quite unplug from a world we were taught too well to plug into.

Maybe there is something very helpful about finding ourselves at a crossroads. Everything is still moving. Maybe we don’t have to make a decision right now other than being unrelenting in guarding and developing the quality of our being. We can make the decision that we will move when only what is right for us appears. Even if it only first appears as a feeling or knowing that we begin to cultivate within ourselves. Until then, we listen to our soul for advice. We listen to our body and our environment for signals. We do what we must do best. We pay attention and remember that fear isn’t a signal that always keeps us safe. We evaluate what our fears tell us about how we hold ourselves back, so we can move more into who we really are. We make the move without the full picture because we never have the full picture. The picture is what we do with today. It’s up to us to do the painting.

Sometimes we go through seasons where we feel we have a comfortable rhythm and our needs are met. Sometimes we find ourselves seemingly thrust into a dark hole that the only way to not be overwhelmed by the darkness is to seek to understand it. We can think of trying to dig ourselves out, but some holes must be dug further until we come out the other side.

I think our souls come into this world already developed in capacities that it takes our lifetimes to understand and utilize. Buried treasure is so alluring precisely because we don’t know if we’ll find it or what it will be.

A lot of us think we want guarantees…but do we really? I wonder if within us we have a dog that wants to run and roam and discover, and one that wants to know our owner will come back each night and feed us the same dish at the same time…forever. In one moment we want to stay home and another we hate that our life looks and feels the same. We want rules and we want the excitement of seeking treasure.

We’re full of contradictions. I suppose that’s what makes us what we are. We sometimes want to abandon everything and at other moments we realize how hard we’ve worked for the things that are close to us. I don’t think anything is wrong with this. Often, through getting what we think we want we realize what we don’t want. We try on lots of things, and maybe one day we realize what has remained consistent through all of the ideas and versions of us. Life doesn’t feel fulfilling from trying to have, it begins to unfold in wonder when we loosen up and begin to live with less conditions.